Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Greenpeace and Muffies

I work in Ballston (for those non-DCers, it's a neighborhood in Arlington) right near the metro stop and the mall. Greenpeace always has people on the streets stopping people for petitions or fund raising or whatever they're doing. I occasionally change my walking route to avoid these people. But not often. They usually try to stop you with something like, "Do you have some time for the environment?" Or "Do you care about the environment?" You get the point. My problem is that I usually break into a big grin when I see these kids. They misinterpret that as my joy at wanting to stop to answer questions or do whatever they're doing. The reality is that I'm usually thinking of what I consider funny responses when they try to stop me. I usually just say, "No time right now." A question for the masses though: Is it inappropriate to simply respond with a deadpan, "Fuck the environment."? That's what I really want to do. Or if they say, "Do you care about the environment?", can't I just say, "Ummm, noooooo. Not really." I wouldn't do that though because I do indeed care about the environment. Hell, I just reused a ziploc bag today! AND I didn't burn any styrofoam with an aerosol can of Aquanet and a match. So I get a reward!

And to that end, I did indeed get a reward for myself. I had the yen for a little treat of the pastry nature. Generally if I feel like I want a cakey type of treat, I'll get something in the carrot or red velvet cake family if I can find a suitable offering. I also enjoy anything in the pumpkin group. Serendipity was with me on that front because I happened to walk into Panera Bread to see their offerings and imagine my surprise when I spied something called the Pumpkin Muffie! Admittedly though, I did not enjoy actually asking for a "pumpkin muffie." What a horrid name. The product was kind of like the top of a muffin (all cake, no stump. Similar to Elaines' idea in Seinfeld). It was OK I guess. Nothing to write home about though. Just OK. Then I took a brief walk and got a cup of coffee because Panera's coffee is OK, but not great.

Wednesday, March 5, 2008

Oh yeah. Now for the stupid cold

So I've been figuring that I'd get sick for a while. I don't think it's possible to go an entire season without catching a cold at some point. As usual, I've been putting my faith in Airborne, or its cheaper generic equivalent if need be. I don't know if this stuff does anything, but I sometimes take it anyway. Last Thursday I finally succumbed to the sick that has been floating around everywhere. I even had a fever for the first time in I don't know how long. I'm on the mend now, but still not top notch. For those of you who don't know, Airborne has been ordered to pay $27 million in a class-action lawsuit. If you've taken the stuff, you can get a piece of the pie. Visit here for details.

And on the topic of colds and sickness, will you idiots please stay home when you're deep into it?? For the love of Christ. Not a single one of you out there has a job that is so important that you can't miss a day or two of work. (In your mind you might, but in reality you don't.) Think of it as a little holiday with NyQuil hallucinations to sweeten the deal. And if you are going to go to work, cover your fucking mouth when you cough and/or sneeze. Seriously. I am so sick of assholes out there coughing and hacking and blowing snots with their yaps wide open. What's the matter, hands too full of coffee and iPods? Tough. Cover your mouth, you swine. Otherwise, I will blame you explicity when we have some kind of epidemic.

And my apologies to those of you who do cover up. I get really cranky when I'm sick and need to school the idiots.

Stupid cold. Stupid drivers

I've been waylaid for a little while with a nasty ass cold/flu hybrid that's been floating around. I knew it was inevitable that I'd get sick, so I'm not surprised. I'll get to more about that shortly.

First, I'd like to say thanks to the ignorant beotch who almost sideswiped me this morning causing me to skid on rocks and dirt and then ram into a curb. Pardon my French, but you are a stupid shit. Here are a couple of things you should understand about driving in the U.S.
  1. A green light means that I can go when I'm supposed to go. It is not a pretty color to look at. I may be mistaken, but I'm guessing that green means go in China too, and red means stop there too. And that red means you should stop and/or yield to the huge flow of oncoming traffic.
  2. When somebody is laying on their horn because you are obliviously going into their lane, that means maybe you should take your head out of your ass long enough to check around you to see what the ruckus is all about.
  3. When you nearly cause an accident and somebody has hit something (luckily only a curb this time), you should probably stop in case there is damage. I have no idea if there is a law to this, but maybe it falls under some kind of hit and run umbrella law.

Luckily, there was no damage. Of course as luck has it, I recently got new tires which were very expensive. I'm grateful that they're made of Kevlar. Maybe that helped prevent a blowout or cracked rim. I don't believe I ever saw somebody as oblivious as this lady was this morning. She just continued driving into my lane with no signal, no looking, nothing. I'm grateful that my cool head prevailed and I didn't uselessly chase her down to scream at her (that never accomplishes anything). As luck had it, she was going in the same direction as me, so I was able to catch up to get her license plate number in the event of damage. I can't tell if she recognized my vehicle as the one she nearly hit, but I'm happy that she appeared to have a bit of fear in her face.

And so, to the lady in the gray Toyota Corolla, Virginia tag # KGC 8842, I would like to say FUCK YOU! You should not be allowed behind a Big Wheel.